mixed feelings

messing up my feelings , toying me around for that few moments . it may be fun to you . but you won't know how much it cuts me deep down inside . i soon knew it that i still have feelings for him . few people made me remembered about "him" these days & i don't seem to get over him . eventhough it has been few months , 5 months i think , his looks & voice still lingers in my mind . indeed , the first one is so damn hard to get over with . i can't believe that i even cry over this thing .

i shouldn't have picked up the phone just now . just that few seconds of talking , it lead me to this . it isn't about the prank call . just a feeling that made me once again realise that i do still adore him & won't get over him . if only there's a time machine , i would do anything just to make you mine . i was so stupid to let go of you because of some stupid freaking reason . but i know myself that my weaknesses will definitely won't satisfy you & im not that girl who is what you're so into . but still , you're like one in a million to me . i knew that there's rarely a person like you which will make me moved by your actions .

school on the other hand ; i felt so fucked up by them when they made noises when actually i myself was like them last time . i feel so irritated by their voices which shrieked into my ears & wish i could just vomit what i wanna say to them right at their face . i have to say that they are good & stuffs when im with them . but since few weeks ago , i seem to be drifting away from them without any reason . & FYI ; it's not because im having menses ! in fact my menses haven't even came for almost a month now . i seem to be angry & disgusted without any reason by their doings . i somehow always wanna find their mistakes & their weaknesses . bitching about them with my other friends don't always work for me . i don't even know that most of my classmate share the same opinion with me towards them . but again , i can't hide the fact that i was also actually once like them . i seem to only find fault with one of them . yeah particularly one of them . she seemed to be copying almost half of my idea in my blog/FS . she even said to me that there's one girl who copied me on this & that when actually in my heart , i was like " OUH WTF , THEN YOU ? ! YOU ALSO COPIED MY STYLE & YOU EVEN DARED TO SAY SOMEONE ELSE COPY ME ? ! WHOA , GET A LIFE OKEH ! " ouh yeah , actually on my previous-previous post , she's the one whom i've been talking about lately . i can't help myself from always criticising what she do , what she wears ( especially her bags ) , what she do to herself to make herself feel better & stuffs . i realised she has been copying me more than what the other one does . && , when the other girl copied me , i don't feel much anger as i felt towards to girl . come on lah , " kau copy pun tk menjadi siol " get a life okeh . somehow you're a great friend to me but i don't know why i seem to be drifting away from you since the last few months & criticises you this & that . & last thing , i will also try to avoid myself from anyone which i felt that he/she somewhat don't like me for any reason . particularly one of my dance mate . she seem to be so stuck-up . nono that girl is my dance mate but not class mate . there's 2 im talking about right now . & i freaking swear i've never ever bitch about someone like this before . think i just couldn't stand her . dammit .

FYI ; i've just cut my fringe after school today . i look like a boy . i look like mickey mouse . it somehow sucks on me . you'll know it when you see it