2007-201(?)

why the fcuk am i like this ? i think its really true my 'sunflower' days is so goddamn over . but i just cant seem to accept it . why does it have to be this way ? why do things change ? why do i fcuking change ? the old me is so dead & gone away , i really hated that . i wanna be that 13 year old girl with that lively smile , happy life & everything nice . i want my oldself back , i really really want my oldself back .

it may sound kinda crappy of me always whining about wanting my oldself back . but most people dont know . THEY DONT KNOW . THEY DONT FCUKING KNOW ! right now , im just the opposite of my oldself , i guess . things were not like this back then .

i used to have tons & tons of 'these' things back then . but now , i dont think anyone notice that in me , when actually last time people ALWAYS tell me that . its kinda strange ? i dont know . it just frusts me . okay its not like im an attention seeker or something but i always got that attention , i think . but yeah i know it myself i always have it . then just one mother fcuking day things seems to change . i have none now , when i actually used to have tons of it last time .

it really bothers me when those new people in my life think lowly of me . okay its another meaning , not really think lowly of me but in some areas they think lowly of me . well , they know nothing . completely NOTHING . i mean i notice the change myself . but because i know my oldself & the new 'me' is totally opposite , those new people whom ive met dont really who the heck i was last time . i know who cares about the past . but its me , i just frustrated that im not my oldself anymore .

fcukthisshit . i just want my oldself back . that loud , talkative , loves to camwhore , lively , hyper , always get praised by everyone & yeah that girl whom i am last time .

i dont know why god make things like this . im sick & tired of trying to pretend like my oldself . i believe everything happens for a reason but ive had enough of this . i know im picking up myself & i know you freaking gay bastard completely underestimate me =.= k i sound [insert word]

but i really hope god will change me back to my oldself . i just miss that old me . i want to be happy .