long story

yesterday's dance was totally unexpected , REALLY UNEXPECTED for me . i join yesterday & also quit yesterday . came there to join the hip-hop group but too bad the position-ing has already been done for the dancers & full . if i still join , im gonna make some trouble for Aliff cos he will need to arrange the dancers again . the only one left is contemporary dance cos breaking is hard , i cant do handstand & other stuffs :/ contem dance practice yesterday was a total hell for me as i dont have any background dancing of modern dance/ballet/contem itself . it really pressure-rize me cos the dance is like kinda mixture of ballet/modern & chinese cos we are using fan . the worst thing for me is that we need to pivot ? not sure but its those turning thingy , need to turn 2 rounds & i cant even do 1 round smoothly .

its really hard for me as those dancers there are experienced dancers in contem/modern & yesterday was my first day trying to dance to contemporary . FIRST DAY !!!!!! OMG , i havent even learn the basics yet & i had to learn the dance right away ! of cos i feel so fed-up of myself cos this dance is the HARDEST for me . never in my life i had a VERY HARD time in dancing . but i cant expect too much on the first day right , but see-ing other modern dancers , i feel that im just spoiling the whole dance . its too tough for me till i forgot ALL the steps & cant even remember a thing .

at last when i really cant take it , i broke down in front of all the dancers . i cried like hell like on the day when i know about the SYF result , but more worse . i kept on tearing throughout the day/night cos i think this is the greatest challenge for me so far . i have never ever had a REALLY HARD time dancing in my life , not even in school . well , sometimes i do have a hard time dancing in school ; even malay contem was kinda hard but yesterday was like 12921873872356345 times more harder . i quit at the end of the day & kinda satified cos if i were to still go through it , it will be a total hell for me .

i dont think i could make it cos the performance is in 2 weeks time & the whole dance is 15mins . dancing for 15 mins , OMGGGGGGG i never dance for 15min non-stop before =.= 15min choreography to learn & perfect it within 2 weeks , of cos i know it myself that i cant make it cos im not a modern dancer i cant possibly learn everything & perfect it within 2 weeks . 2 WEEKS you know ! 2 weeks is so short & i dont have any modern dance experience summore . & i think that it is better for me to back out cos if im still in , i will be handling MUCH MUCH MORE than what i can handle .

apart from that , the dancers there ARE SO GODDAMN SWEET . when i cried , all of them said many encouraging words to me & OMG , i feel so . . . alah dunno how to say it but it really touched me . they gave me a hug & i feel so welcomed , you know like . . . aiya i dunno how to say this :/ but they're greatttt , VERY SWEET ! there's one girl who said that she will guide me all the way & much much more & say that i can call her if i need any help , hah so sweet lah . then talked to Izzy & sort of pull me up again & make me feel that i should not let this challenge affect me & make me lose interest in dancing cos my strenght is not contemporary dance & i should concentrate on malay & hip-hop which i have more interest in .

gosh , i touch a genre of dance which im not familiar with & it really affects me alot , like really alot . but yeah , i should concentrate on my own strenght . i cant really handle yesterday's contem most prolly because i didn't expect it & i wasnt prepared to dance contemporary . omg yidah , yesterday is your first day of contem & you cant expect much . eventhough the other dancer could adapt to it is because they are experienced in contem & are familiar with it . yidah yidah yidah yidah you havent even learn the basics of contem & you didnt expect it so that explains everything why you are so pressure-rized(?) , seriosuly yesterday i could not stop tearing till today my eyes are so sore .

overall , this has been the greatest challenge for me . if only i had join earlier , i could've join the hip-hop team cos i already learned 10-8s of the dance & hip-hop performance isn't as long as contem , so lesser things to learn ? look how long i've typed about my feelings & ramblings . actually , i think i still have alot more to say but i think i should just stop here & stop my ramblings . im gonna play MS now . im so free this holiday , im thinking os working but i dont know where :/ those dancers i met yesterday are one of the nicest people ive met so far , I LOVE YOU GUYS TO THE MAXXXXXXXXXXXXX , just wanna say it eventhough i know you guys are not reading this XD && i wanna go dance club outing to sentosaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa