my wednesday's drama
i cant accpet the fact that i actually CRIED that day . i cried in front of MANY people . i cried in front of those dancers . i CRIED in front of VOUGUELICIOUS ! i CRIED SO BADLY in front of IZZY ! that is just so goddamn fcuking embarassing , REALLY EMBARASSING . & i also cant forgive myself & forget about the incident . half of me knows why i cried and the other half just dont seem to get over it .
okay YIDAH ! you cried because yeah , you cant take it anymore . yidargh ! you should understand yourself that its your first day contemp , NOT THE FIRST WEEK NOT EVEN THE FREAKING 2ND DAY . first day of a dance practice which you are NOT FAMILIAR WITH & YOU DONT EXPECT IT & YOU DONT EVEN KNOW =.= of cos you cant expect much on the first day , this is contemp , not hip hop not malay . this is a fcuking genre of dance which i NEVER IN MY LIFE tried it before & YIDARGH you cannot expect too much of yourself . just that the modern dancers there seems to catch up more it makes me feel so pathetic . really pathetic . imagine you are trying a genre of dance which you have never tried before & you DONT EXPECT IT . & one more thing yidah , you are learning the choreography itself , you are not learning from the basics . its like you are learning ballet choreography straight away WITHOUT learning the basics first , of cos its a total hell . its not hip hop which you can catch up within a day . contemp needs MUCH MUCH MORE skills . get over it yidah , damn .
but thanks to you guys at there that day too , for encouraging me & also izzy who pulls me up . kinda regret cos i didnt get to say what i really wanted to say to izzy . i dunno why when i was talking to izzy , i couldnt stop sobbing . REALLY tears just flow through & i couldnt stop myself . ouh izzy , im so sorrrryy cos i didnt respond you during the practice & made you mad . seriously during the practice , it was my blur-est moment till i cant even respond to your simple question & look like one goddamn freak . i do feel that i should not back out & WORK DAMN HARD when izzy told me about him dancing for the NUS or some sort like that . but also , i feel that 15 min choreo is long & of cos MANY STEPS . yeah like i said , 2 weeks to learn a 15min choreo of a dance which you never tried before . of cos its too much for me to handle & i dont want pressure-rized myself more . you know , besar pasak dari tiang , apape lah tak ingat arh
our mouths are so light when we just talk . but it weighs so much more when you yourself do it . okay maybe you just dont understand my situation till you yourself get into that freaking situation . & i will take their words & advices . they said im only 14 & i have a long way to go . even my horoscope has links to what im going through & it says that its wise to walk an unfamiliar path . maybe going through this incident is one of my "dancing" journey . ive experienced it & ive taste how it is & im happy that i get to see the "outside world" & go back home with advices & encouraging words from other dancers & leaders . argh btw ive got some things to update tooooooooo
1) i told my mother i quit the dance & she said - " good lah you will not be out " bastard sia . grrr she dont support me in what a like , what kind of mother is she =.= kk i know , just appreciate her & blah blah blah CME
2) went to chij KC to apply to that school but NA has no more vacancy , WTF sia . again bastard . i dont know which other school to choose . now i have to make my way to school from the east side all the way to the west side , WOW
3) i wanna watch ALOT of movies . i wanna watch paranormal activity & 2012 & jennifer's body ! but im not 16 yet , dammit
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